Stevie Szabad, Author

This time of year, I see many posts on social media of favourite quotes, advice, words of wisdom. Maybe I’m naturally contrarian, but I always think of a smart-alec snarky response! Here’s some New Year’s resolutions and advice translated Stevie-style. Caution, to be read with a sense of humour as it was written with tongue-in-cheek.

1. Be yourself. Don’t be defined by anyone else or worry what they think about you.

Translation: Be self-centered. I saw someone being interviewed on the news, and they had facial tattoos and full blackout eye contacts. Obviously this guy was being himself! I say, there’s something to be said about fitting in once in awhile.

2. Cut back on: — (coffee, alcohol, fats, carbs… you fill in the blanks)

BUT. New studies say: — (coffee, alcohol, fats, carbs… you fill in the blanks) are good for you. Well, anything in moderation.

3.  Declutter.

Darn, what would my old complete collection of “the Monkees” on vinyl now be worth?

4. Don’t Gossip.

What does this even mean? Don’t share information? Don’t ask how his rehab is going? How many kids do they have now? Where does she work now? I really don’t get this one.

5. Reach out to those in need.

Well, how do you know if they’re in need if you’re not allowed to gossip?

6. Downsize. The world cannot support our current lifestyle.

Then: The economy is suffering because consumer spending is down.

Actually, this last is one I fully support – We don’t need more stuff. We need to be ourselves and wear jammies in public and drink our coffee and wine with dessert, and listen to our favourite collections of old music while sitting with friends we’ve invited over to chat!

Happy 2019, may you break as many resolutions this coming year as ever! 😉